When I take a step back and reflect on the past five months, my mind is overwhelmed. So much has happened… between a global pandemic and finishing my junior year of college online, there have also been major changes in our world and nation. It’s hard to process all of it or fit it into a neat little box- I mean, with things reopening, do we call this “quarantine” still or is it just “the pandemic,” or should we use the greater, all-encompassing term “2020”? However, I've been able to find a couple common themes throughout the story of this year.
The biggest thing I’ve noticed and been reminded of is God’s good plan. Although it feels like the world as we know it is falling apart, we (as believers) have a more permanent foundation we can hold onto. Whether 2020 is the start of the end times and Jesus is coming again, or it’s just a really crazy time for the history books, there is a plan and a purpose in all of the confusion and pain. The more I open my eyes to see what God is doing, the more reasons I find to praise Him. For example, the transition to school online was pretty difficult for me, but I ended up getting to spend more time with and make more memories with my roommates than I would’ve otherwise. Also, finding a job for the summer was more difficult than expected, but the time spent waiting provided more opportunities for fun adventures and time with my family. When everything shut down, we saw people rally together to hold onto the important things- community, faith, relationships, supporting local/small businesses, and speaking up for the under-appreciated and unloved in our society. We began to recognize the people who constantly give their time and energy to serve our community. We began to become more aware of the deep hurt and hatred and evil that seeps through America through racism, human trafficking, and other injustices. We took time to learn new things and discover more about ourselves. Maybe 2020 has felt like a rollercoaster, a whirlwind of chaos, but amidst all of that, God was working. He has broken the chains that held us to our busy schedules and self-centered lifestyles. He has increased compassion and empathy for our neighbors, at home and across the world, by uniting us around a common struggle. He has shown that nothing, not even a global pandemic, can stop the powerful work He is doing through His children and the Church. More people have access to church (and similar resources) now through online platforms, and communities have come together to support one another through all the change. So maybe, as things shift closer to our “normal,” with people going back to school and work, we can hold onto these good things:
No matter what you’re feeling this August, whether you’re working from home or going back to school or stuck in some weird in-between season, I encourage you to remind yourself of how you have grown in this time. Quiet your mind and listen to your heart; make space for gratitude and praise God for the good He has been working. If those things are still hard to find right now, start small: find something that brings you joy right here, today, where you are. Through practicing daily gratitude, you might find yourself with more purpose, more reasons to trust God, and more reasons to celebrate life. Let’s continue to pause and rest, spend time alone with Jesus, learning to trust Him no matter what. Though things of this world might be starting to compete for your time and energy again, let’s continue to prioritize our faith and the people around us more. Let’s continue to pursue our passions and what matters to us, fighting for good and justice and healing in our world. Let’s continue to pray through all things, whether we’re having a good day or bad day or a good year or a really bad year. Let’s continue to support and love other humans, with the same grace and love Jesus has shown us. Let’s unite on this mission as followers of Christ, knowing that the journey will never be perfect, but will always be perfectly in progress.
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It’s August!! I can’t believe it...summer went by much too fast. Seeing that a blog post is long overdue, I figured that now would be a good time to post one, as I reflect on how I’ve grown and what God has done this summer.
August A time of transition We try to squeeze in every last bit of summer that we can: with adventures and free time and fun with friends Yet we’re also looking towards the next season of school: with new classes and things to organize and preparing for the change ahead I want to enjoy this month, but it feels rushed. There’s this pressure in the back of my mind, always lurking, constantly reminding me of summer goals I haven’t met, places I haven’t gone, and things I have to do for school. All of it- crammed into the last two weeks of summer. Sounds kinda dumb when I say it that way, huh? Obviously I cannot cram an entire summer’s worth of hopes and dreams and adventures and goals into the last two weeks. Yet so often I put this pressure on myself to be perfect and live the best possible life. But I must remind myself: life is a journey. It is not all or nothing, perfect or a complete fail: it will be messy. There are lazy moments and exciting moments and dark moments and joyful moments and every moment in between. The fullest possible life? That’s one lived walking with Christ. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” {John 10:10 ESV} When I trust life to Him, I begin to release my grasp on the need to make it go perfectly, and in exchange, my open hands receive His peace and freedom and rest. And when I fall back into believing that any slight imperfection is “failing at life,” there is grace. Oh, so much grace! It’s unconditional forgiveness and love that goes beyond. It’s a Love that says I am worthy of experiencing peace, even as I’m figuring things out. It’s a Love that pours out blessings and little moments of joy, no matter how clear my mind is or how “perfect” my day is going. It’s a Love that always works for good, even behind the scenes when I’m distracted or far from His heart. It’s a Love that, more than anything else, says “I am with you,” holding my hand and rejoicing over me, every step of the way. These truths, as I let them sink into my heart, transform me from the inside out. I find a contentment that I cannot find anywhere else. I know, trusting in God, that I am exactly where I should be. Life is in His hands, so instead of worrying, I can just be present H E R E. It’s hard, I know. There are so many thoughts in your head, things you want to do and who you want to be; the ways in which the summer has let you down or how August must be perfect; how to start this school year off right. You may feel frustrated or stuck, wondering how could you possibly change enough to get to “that place” and really be okay. But you are not the only force at work here. You don’t have to do it all alone. In fact, when you’re in that place of unrest or dissatisfaction, oftentimes, it can stir up a passion and desire to move forward. So use that, and make a choice: Do you choose to sink back into your comfort zone, trying to make life feel good? Do you try to work hard on every goal at once and hope to find some source of contentment along the way? Those may be the go-to options, but I’ve found (from personal experience) that going to Christ is the best choice. When we choose to trust God, taking baby steps forward and allowing Him to continue stirring up that passion in our hearts, He works to bring growth and transformation in our lives. He has a perfect plan for us. His power is all we need, so we do not have to do life on our own. Even in the bad moments or days or seasons, our God already conquered the grave. He is Love and Grace that meets us where we’re at, with the Power and Goodness to work in our lives every single day. So I encourage you today to try to let go - all the worries, doubts, pressures, expectations - and simply trust God. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes, but our Father’s love for us welcomes us in, even amidst the uncertainty that comes in moments of surrender. As His children, all we have to do is open our arms to receive HIm. He’s already by our side, He’s already working for the best in our lives, and He wants us to know that we can rest in Him. Breathe in. Think about what you’re holding on to. Breathe out. Let it all go. God has got you, through all of the ups and downs. Just trust. In honor of it being Easter this weekend, let’s take some time to refocus on the basics.
Now, don’t get me wrong- I’m not saying that the story of the resurrection is a simple one. In fact, it’s quite the opposite… The perfect sacrifice. All of creation waiting for this exact day. The sins and darkness of the world placed on the death of one human. A veil torn in two. The stone rolled away. New life in Christ. Everything came together perfectly according to God’s plan, resulting in the resurrection of Jesus and a world that would never be the same. When we invite Christ into our lives, that’s when life begins, that’s where freedom starts, and our lives will never be the same again. These are the basics of the faith we proclaim; Jesus came and gave His life for us so that we might be free - free from sin, free from darkness, free to have a relationship with the Father, and free to live life out of His love. // Our savior displayed on a criminal's cross Darkness rejoiced as though heaven had lost But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand That's when death was arrested and my life began \\ But often times, when it comes down to actually living this out on a daily basis, we let life get the best of us. Think about where you’re at in life right now. What are you letting own you? Your insecurities or your strengths? Your frustrations or your joys? Your doubts or your identity in Christ? Your fears or your faith? Your circumstances or your God? For me, especially when struggling with an anxiety disorder, life can easily feel out of control. (And yes, I know you don’t have to have a mental illness to experience this, but they can for sure heighten those feelings). I’ve discovered that I put a lot of pressure on myself to “get it together,” out of the fear of messing everything up. So when circumstances start taking over, I find myself drowning in “what ifs” and fears so incredibly deep, that I become unsure of what to do next and how to escape. Recently, I’ve been trying to go back to the basics. Just living life. Just holding tight to my faith and letting go of everything else. Just believing these truths, which always remain constant: God is good. God is love. I am His child. I have Christ’s resurrection power in me. I can be free from fear. It's hard to do, yes, but guess what? I'm learning, and so. can. you. You are more than your thoughts and feelings. In fact, you’re in control of them. Your soul knows who you are, your heart has experienced the truth, so tell that to your brain. Speak out against your demons. Don’t give them power over you. The Holy Spirit is real and alive and powerful and working in you. Don’t let it sit dormant. Open your hands to let Him work. Open your heart to be shaped by His gentle hands. He is always refining us, helping us grow, and walking with us through life. We are always His beloved children, and no circumstances will change that. Freedom is readily available to us. Hope is a constant, shining light to the darkest of circumstances. Remind yourself of this also: you’re exactly where you need to be. So make the most of what’s around you! Stop waiting for more free time, for summer break, for future dreams...instead, dream of today. Take part in the work God is already doing all around you. Let yourself laugh with friends. Open your eyes to how God is working in the here and now. You are growing and blooming. {And remember that you’ve grown so much already this year, and you’re going to keep growing, but don’t get so caught up in understanding the big picture that you can’t enjoy life today.} Take little steps through each day. Keep trusting in the simple gospel. He is risen, He is risen indeed. Now, let me clarify: having “faith that’s bigger than your fear” is actually such a cliche. I thought about using it in this blog post actually, until I realized that I don’t know if I’ve ever truly experienced having faith “big enough” to out-power my fears. Because I’ll be honest, that’s really hard for me. But, what I can do is cling to faith, in spite of my fears. They’re still there, for sure. As a perfectionist, I’ve learned that failure is one of my biggest fears (in relationships, in school, at work, and in my own personal life). It feels so ingrained in my personality that I don’t know if it’ll ever really go away. However, I’m starting to learn to work through that, day by day. What if we, little by little, made the choice to believe even while we are feeling fearful? That is bravery. That is strength. That is true faith. So remind yourselves of truths. Look to Jesus. Hold onto little reminders of His love and grace. Perhaps, you might experience what I’ve experienced. You might find yourself with a little bit more peace, a little more joy, and a whole lot of freedom through Christ. As always, thank you for reading! I hope this spoke to you in some way. I’m praying for each and every one of you today! The topic for today is something that I’ve been processing and sorting through since about two months ago. When I really began to learn and grow in this area, I wanted so badly to post about it immediately and share what I was learning. But I waited...not because I need to have everything figured out perfectly or “right” before I post, but because I wanted to say this in a way that would make sense, hopefully making an impact on those who read it. So finally, after a long break in between posts, here goes it!!
{Maybe your soul can be okay, when everything else is not} I think that’s why Horatio Spafford could believe those famous words he wrote, though it seemed his entire world had fallen apart... “It is well with my soul” Perhaps we too can believe those words as we sing, because it is in our soul that we live, separate from anything else. For even in my lowest, darkest moments, something in me fights for more. Something in me is full of life, when everything around me pulls me further and further down. I’ve felt like I am drowning, but it is well with my soul. I’ve thought of death, but it is well with my soul. I’ve felt trapped and stuck, but it is well with my soul. Because, you are not your circumstances. Let me say that again... You are not defined by your situation!! You are not your thoughts and choices. You are loved just as you are. You are whole and complete, worthy of living life to the full. You have a purpose. You are you, oh beautiful soul. You can just be. You can keep living and breathing right where you’re at. Rest in that... You see, in your soul, there exists your identity, your passions, your character, the depths of your heart. No one can take that away from you. Your soul, when trusted to God, is filled with the Spirit, guided in faith, and full of hope, love, and light. Jesus has the victory over your soul. God is working, always for good, in you and through you. You are growing and becoming stronger day by day, even when you don’t always see it, because God has a plan for you. He is love, and “not even death or life, angels or rulers, things present of things to come, hostile powers, height or depth, or any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!” [Romans 8:37-39 HCSB] {The demons don’t have access to your soul} Now, not to say that there won’t hard days. (there will be) You won’t understand. (give it time) You will want to give up on life. (please don’t) It may seem hard to keep going, impossible even, but you can and you will, just hold onto life. It might take awhile to really see the good, so keep waiting, just hold onto hope. It might be a fight for you to truly trust God, letting go of perfection and control, just hold onto purpose. You might not quite be where you want to be yet, feeling lost in your journey, just hold onto adventure. You might feel pulled in every direction, the world telling you who to be and what to do, but don’t listen to those voices- look inside to your soul, and please, whatever you do, just hold onto you. I hope that you may take these words to heart. Perhaps you can live, moment by moment, just being you. Perhaps you can sing, “it is well with my soul,” despite an ocean of darkness around you. Perhaps you can walk with purpose, guided by your loving Father every step. Perhaps you can let go, and let your soul be okay. Merry Christmas everyone!!!
As I was reflecting on what God has been speaking to me recently, I struggled deciding what exactly I should share. Earlier this week I had a totally different idea for this post. But I just kept feeling pulled back to this truth: “God’s plans are always good” Now, I know, that is so hard to believe sometimes. The loss of a loved one, the tensions of the holiday season, financial stress, overwhelming to-do lists, the weight of new year’s resolutions… whatever they may be for you, so many distractions surround us, making it harder to see the grace and love of Christ. How can we focus on the good in a world full of evil? How can we find light amidst such darkness? How can we have hope when circumstances seem so bleak? Though these questions are mostly rhetorical, I think some answers can be found in Christmas. Christmas trees: representations of life [evergreen] in the dead of winter Lights and candles: adding a little extra light as the sun sets earlier this time of year Gifts: reminders of the gift of Christ, God's love poured out for us. So, even when Christmas isn’t all it’s “wrapped” up to be, let us turn our focus back to Christ. Look to those little reminders. He is - life - light - love - He is all we need, especially when circumstances change and life falls short of our expectations. {“Happiness is based on chance. JOY is based on choice.” -Mike Madding} Let us choose Jesus today. Where happiness itself fails us, Christ never will. He really is “joy to the world,” coming to us in the most humble, human way. He came down to us, as a little baby, bringing life and love, hope and light. It wasn’t some pretty, polished, perfect, “Instagram worthy” arrival. It was dark and messy, small and ordinary. Think about it: the Jews had to wait, in darkness and silence, over 400 years for the arrival of their promised Savior. If you feel stuck or hopeless, you’re not alone. Remember that God keeps His promises, no matter how long it may take. He is always working for good. It may be subtle, ordinary, or incredibly hard to find... But joy exists. Hope can still be found. Love is here. Christ has come. That is Christmas. Do you ever feel pressured to have it all put together? Or maybe you feel lost, like you just don’t understand where you’re at in life right now? I can’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through, but I know that we have all probably felt overwhelmed, confused, and stressed by life at one time or another. I have for sure felt that way many times before!! In those times, I catch myself only journaling or spending time with God when I feel like I’m getting my life back together. As if I have to have my thoughts organized before I even open my journal or Bible. This is completely backwards. Actually, journaling and writing things down help me to process so much better than just trying to think through things all in my head. And going to the Bible? Infinitely more helpful than trying to do things on my own. So why do I keep trying to do life on my own? (okay, that’s a rhetorical question, but the answer is that I’m imperfect and sinful and I mess up) In my personal life, I have found that the moment that I let go of that pressure to have it all together, that is when I am most open to seeing God move. Not only is there a freedom from the pressure/stress to have it all together, followed by a release of emotions, but also a sort of acknowledgement of where I am at. I accept that I do not have to have it organized or put together, and that allows me to be real about life. {Real with myself, real in my journal, and then real with God.} Sometimes the first step for me is just putting thoughts on paper. That can be hard, because I do not want to remember my darkest moments. But, once I recognize and write down what I am feeling, that can lead to the next step of praying through it. I have to recognize my demons before I can fight them. I have to let the emotions out, in order to let God in and let Him work. There is a sort of beauty in that exchange. Unleashing a flood of feelings onto paper. Unfiltered. Unrestrained. Then our Father, with His arms open so wide, takes me just as I am, all of those thoughts and feelings. Even when I feel lost, confused, and cannot even begin to understand what I am feeling: He knows, He understands, and He loves me right where I am at. This process is still something I am learning. But every time that I’ve chosen to be honest and real with myself and with God, I have seen Him move so clearly. [“What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard.” C.S. Lewis] So, I want to stop holding it all in, stop trying to figure life out, stop trying to have everything together. Let us commit, before God and with each other, to BE REAL. Real with ourselves, real with what we’re feeling, and real in our brokenness, so then we can experience real life and have real encounters with a very real God. To truly live life to the fullest, we need to let ourselves fully feel everything. To let Him move, we have to open our heart and open our lives. To really follow Jesus through it all, we need to let Him into the messy moments too: the highs and the lows, the good and the bad, the dark and the light. [“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9] I don’t want to live from one “Jesus moment” to the next, fun adventure to fun adventure, good laugh to good laugh, loving hug to loving hug. I want to embrace the in betweens. Because why block out the parts of life we don’t love? Though they’re not “fun” or “happy,” that does not mean that God stops moving. He is working. And always working for good. We are His children. That doesn’t stop. He is a loving Father. That never stops. So in the bad moments, we should not stop living. We should not stop praying. We should not stop being who we are. Identity in Him is not dependent on circumstances, His love is not dependent on circumstances, and His goodness is not dependent on circumstances. Keep walking in the Spirit, as a child of God, though circumstances may change. Keep pursuing your passions, keep praying, keep loving others, keep going: through the changing seasons, and the ups and downs of daily life. And, do not be afraid to write things down. Maybe that’s not your thing as much as it is mine, but I think it’s nice to have a record to look back on. No, I don’t love looking back on my darkest moments. But I do love seeing how God was faithful to me through them, and how He used those hard times to make me even stronger than I was before. So every once in awhile, I challenge you to write something down. Then maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll need a reminder of who God is and how he works, and you’ll have a physical record of that from your own life. It’s truly amazing to look back on how far I’ve come, and know that there is hope along the future horizon, even if it seems so far off that it’s practically invisible. Light is always shining, hope is worth it, and there is good to be found right here. I hope that this encourages you in your walk with Jesus, no matter where you’re at. Whatever you’re going through: write it down, pray about it, share it with a friend. And feel free to contact me with any questions, comments, or prayer requests!!
Stop.
it. Stop comparing your hard days or weird days or bleh days or really freaking terrible days to the best ones. Life isn’t consistent, it won’t always *feel good* Everyday is not going to be super happy. But that. is. okay. Circumstances change. Life throws crazy things at you. But I believe, there’s still good there. There… in the crying in the stress in those days when you’re just not feeling it in the brokenness in the searching in the longing for something more in the mundane in the emptiness in the uncertain and apathetic voices inside ...for God’s at work there, too. Just keep going. keep growing. keep trying. keep learning. keep trusting. keep hoping. keep wondering, and keep on searching for the good in every single day. [it’s there, trust me, it’s there] Then you might just keep finding joy in little moments, keep loving people fully and deeply, keep praying, walking with Jesus through it all. And for all the times when those things just seem to hard to do, too much to handle, just keep breathing. in and out. You can. You deserve to. There’s always more good. Better days await, if you just keep on going… little fish, just keep swimming One month of school has come and gone so incredibly fast.
How crazy to think about where I’m at, and all the ups and downs that have brought me here. I walked from summer into the new school year feeling more empowered and equipped to take on the semester, stronger than I had been before. Of course, that meant that the enemy used anxiety to hit me stronger than ever before. I suppose there’s just something about school that heightened my symptoms (more than I experienced over the summer), so I began to doubt that I was improving at all and that I could even try to have a better semester. But through all of the hard days, and moments when I just wanted to give up already, God has been there, continuously reminding me of His goodness: in little things (like plants and sunshine) that make me smile, in the breath in my lungs and a life to be grateful for, in powerful moments where He speaks so clearly, in friendships that radiate love and truth, and in His consistent, ever faithful, pouring out of love grace peace ... [even when I fall short] Wow. how refreshing to the soul, to slow down and look at how good our God is!! Even then, with all the evidence of His presence, it's easy to get caught up in life, losing hope and motivation within an instant, forgetting all He has done. So I’m setting some goals for myself, and I encourage you to do the same. Let’s be more consistent in:
I know, from personal experience this past summer and this month, setting goals can be helpful, but it can also stress me out to the point of stopping me from moving forward. I think of all the times I messed up, all I have yet to do, where I’m not, who I am not, and all that I need to “fix” in my life. But I don’t want that to happen this time around. It’s easier said than done, but I’ve learned, the more I spend time in God’s presence, the quieter those fears become. For He has a good plan. He is working in ways that I don’t always see. Looking back gives me the opportunity to reflect on His perfect timing, shown to me again and again. So let’s give ourselves grace: appreciate how far you’ve come, work towards those goals, but above all, trust God’s timing and just enjoy the journey. Hello July!!
It’s hard to believe that it’s already halfway through the summer. In May, I would’ve told you that I would be working out consistently and doing a devo every day by now. But so far, I haven’t fully “gotten my life together.” Sometimes, when I make goals for myself (like the ones I made for this summer), I get so caught up in changing everything to be perfect overnight or over the course of a week. But goals are about taking little steps of progress. So remind yourself that this life is a journey, an adventure!! Sure, I had way too many cookies and sweets during VBS week, but I got to dance with kids and spend time with my best friends all week. I might not have been as consistent in my devotional schedule as I would’ve wanted, but each new day brings something that I can walk through with God. He shows up in the everyday moments. He speaks through my mom’s kind voice in emotional times. He speaks through me to help others, and through others, He helps me. His joy is evident in laughter, silliness, and fun times with family and friends. His love overflows through the hearts and smiles and crazy fun of children at VBS. Through His Spirit, He enables us to keep going and grow with Him in all situations. Through Jesus’ sacrifice, we can come to Him anytime of any day at any moment: because He loves us always and wants us to live the best life possible with Him. As the kids at VBS learned this past week, we can “live fully alive” with God! {John 10:10} So take hold of the full life in front of you, whatever today may hold. Remember, through all of the craziness, that nothing compares to just being with God. Walk in His Spirit, trust His plan, let His teachings sink in deeply. Welcome life with open arms; finding joy in the ordinary, loving others outrageously, growing deeper as a person every day, and shining a light even brighter than the sun. To my friends in the class of 2018: congrats!! You made it!! No matter where you’re headed next, always always always pursue your passions. If you’re going to college, enjoy yourself, and take advantage of all the opportunities to meet new people and learn new things. Just remember, as I learned in my freshman year, it’s most definitely not always going to be easy or fun.
Change is probably the hardest part of leaving high school. I cannot count the number of people who say to me when I visit home, “aw I’ve seen your posts [on Facebook/Instagram], it looks like you had a good time.” Well, of course my Instagram feed is going to look like it’s all fun all the time! I’m not going to post every time that I’m sick, or stressed, or studying late at night, or crying, or having an anxiety attack...as much as I want to be real with what I post, there are some moments I’d rather not advertise to the world. So “yes,” as I have generically responded, “I love the music therapy program, I made friends, I survived, I had a good time, It was a good first year,” and et cetera. But, as I’ve mentioned already on this blog and to many of my close friends, there were many times that I didn’t feel that: Caught up in mental illness, stress from schoolwork, and lack of sleep, I’d fear that I was losing my passion for music. Overwhelmed by the city and missing my suburban home, I’d find myself searching for any nature I could find (even if that meant a freezing trip to the pier by a frozen lake), and I longed to be on a more beautiful or different campus. (Why didn’t I pick a school in California again??) Balancing both new and old friendships, keeping in touch with family, and living with roommates for the first time, I’d worry so much about what people thought of me, resulting in a feeling of loneliness that I’d never experienced before. Comparing my worst moments to other’s social media posts, I’d worry that my “college experience” wasn’t the best it could be, and that I was missing out on something, somewhere, with anyone else than the people I had around me. (Just to name a few of the struggles of college) This is my third full week back home for the summer. To go from living in a relatively clean, calm apartment with three college roommates to a busy, loud, and messier house with two younger brothers is a big change. Sure, I loved visiting on breaks and weekends because everything would be focused on having fun with family and friends. Now, it’s back to the “norm,” if it’s even possible to call it that. So much of my life here is different than what I had gotten used to while living on campus: Instead of living on my own schedule, I have family responsibilities to tend to. Instead of having my own bathroom and a neat bedroom, I share my bathroom with two boys and my old bedroom looks like a messy blast from the past. Instead of being immediately included in everything as I used to be, I have to be more intentional about reconnecting with friends, catching up on what I’ve missed, and getting to know my friends’ new friends. While none of the above may seem like incredibly difficult circumstances, and I’m not trying to claim that they are or complain about them, I most definitely struggled coming back to Columbus. As much as I missed my friends here, I also miss the new friends I’ve made in Cleveland. As much as I missed game and movie nights with my family, I miss having my own space and a walkable city outside my door. As much as I’m grateful that school is done for now, I sometimes miss having a schedule of things to do and a routine for my free time. And as much as I love having fun with my friends and grad party hopping all around Columbus, I really freaking miss the lake views and the breezy (way less humid) weather in Cleveland. It’s so hard to have love divided between two places. It’s a challenge to accept where I am now, and embrace making summer memories here in Columbus. Yet through all of these strange new feelings, I’ve seen more and more personal growth. God has gifted me with moments of learning, accompanied by pure joy and overflowing love and quiet peace. They come in the laughter of friends, in the excitement of my family, in missing Cleveland, in loving Columbus, and most of all, in the transition: when I’m pushed to my limits. When I must choose whether to surrender to His plan for me in this time, or just fall apart. To embrace every good moment of life, or just go through the motions. To love where I’m at, or just spend all my energy hating the change. I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that choosing God’s way is always the best. Surrender brings freedom, trust brings peace, accepting circumstances brings deeper understanding, and embracing the life that God has given us brings a love and joy beyond anything this world could give. |
AuthorHi! My name is Rachel Schoeff, and I'm a college student in Cleveland, Ohio. With this blog, I aspire to share a little bit of what God is doing in my life, and use that to inspire others. We're all messy people, and we're never going to be perfect, but I hope that, together, we can all learn to embrace being "perfectly in progress." Archives
August 2019
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